Back to Where it Began
by SweetLove4Brucas
Summary: Elena is torn between the love she has for Stefan and Damon. She fears with their constant battling over her love she has turned into Katherine. A bloody battle leaves Bonnie to send Elena to 1863. Before Kat. Befor everything ended and began!
1. Chapter 1: Reborn

"My room looks different". I said taking in a space that had been sacred for so much of my life but ruined by the memories of the past five years. They were good and bad memories but mostly they were full of confliction and guilt!

"Are you ready for this Elena. I mean, do you even know who you want to be with"? I starred intently at Bonnie for a long moment. Who did I want to be with? Damon or Stefan? Stefan or Damon? It was the question of the century. The million dollar question. The question that both were waiting for an answer to that I was not ready to give.

I looked over toward the window. There was a speck of blood that stained the glass from last nights brawl. I immediately ran to it and wiped it with the bottom of my shirt.

"I thought we got it all up". I mumbled zombie like as I walked back over to my bed where Bonnie sat starring at me as if I would collapse.

Bonnie moved closer to me. I could feel the mattress shift as she came closer. I trembled before she could touch me.

She gasped for air, "I know you are still scared about last night. It scared me too. It scared everyone. No one knew they would take it that far. After I left I dug around in some old spell books."

"No magic Bonnie" I interrupted her before she could finish. "I can not spell myself out of this. It's getting out of hand. They keep fighting and last night well, last night was the worst I have ever seen them act because of me. No magic. I have to choose on my own."

Bonnie smiled and grabbed my hand. "Elena close you eyes please." I stared at her in disbelief. Did she not hear a word I said?

"Close you eyes right now Elena". My eyes shut automatically to the fierceness that now filled her voice. I tried to move. To get away from her and her magic. No magic could fix this. I was a horrid person. I was Katherine.

"Sit still" she commanded. And then I couldn't move. What was Bonnie doing to me?

"Bonnie please. Please no spells. I have to do this right. I can't be her. I don;t want to be her". I began to cry. "Stefan called me Katherine last night... Katherine." I began to sob.

"Elena you know you are not Katherine. He was angry. He didn't mean it and I will prove it. Sit still. I had to put a restraining bond on you so that I could do this. I know you cant do this on your own and I will be there to help you. Look for me at the old plantation house. I'll be there waiting for you. Come quickly and what ever you do just play along."

Play along?

She began to mumble some things in another language. I was so confused what was she talking about and before I knew it the light coming in through my bedroom window was gone. It was dark and it was cold and I drifted away.

"Ahhh", I gasped for air.

"Elena are you alright"? A voice asked from my right side.

"Oh no, do see that she is ok please." A woman's voice spoke from somewhere above me.

I opened my eyes to see a man with a thick mustache and a top hat kneeling down over me waving his hand in my face.

"Who are you?" I asked him.

"Oh dear she hit her head hard". The lady said glancing down upon me worried.

"Who are you?" I asked the her. "And why are you dressed like that lady"? I looked at the man. "Why is she dressed like that?"

"Elena dear, you are dressed like that." I looked down and saw nothing but fabric. Heavy thick fabric covering my body. "Let me help you to this bench". He said taking my hand and lifting me easily off the ground.

I stood up. I was wearing heels? I couldn't really breathe either. Something under this dress was extremely tight and extremely uncomfortable. Dress?

"What is causing my lungs to feel as if they are gonna burst out of my throat"? I asked as I sat down upon the bench next to the man. The woman dressed in a beautiful long gown waltzed over to me laughing.

"Why silly girl that is your corset of course. Edmund she really must have hit her head hard. Elena it's me Madison Gilbert. Your cousin my dear." I looked into her eyes. They were dark and friendly. She was pretty and she looked like someone I once knew. Or her features did at least. The man sitting next to me tipped his hat as I stared at him with confusion.

"Where am I"? I asked Edmund.

"You are in Mystic Falls. We are here visiting our family. We do this sort of family reunion once every few years cousin." So he was my cousin too. And I was in Mystic Falls. I looked around confused. I saw nothing but land for miles. Tree after tree. I turned back to the two people who had helped me up. Their clothes looked as if they were from the past. My dress, the corset my cousins.

"What year is it Edmund"? I asked with curious eyes. He stared at me and smiled.

"Why it's 1863 Elena. You did hit your head hard. Lets take you back up to the house where you can go lie down".

My heart began to pound as my two cousins grabbed a hold of each side of me and began to walk me down a grassy lawn to a big beautiful white house.

"Jonathan will know what to do. Maybe fix her some tea get some ice for her head. Her mother would be so worried." Madison began mumbling about how my mother didn't want to let me go but as long as she, my cousin came with me she would feel at ease and how dreadful it is that I should have fallen in her care.

"Jonathan". Edmund called out. I know this. I know who Jonathan Gilbert is. He is the one who

betrayed Pearl. He was in love with her and still put her in the tomb. He helped kill Damon and Stefan. He was my relative. I read his journal. He was crazy. I had to put my distaste toward him away and pretend that my dear cousin was worth my time.

"Johnathan. She fell and hit her head pretty hard. I think she needs to lie down and drink some tea or water perhaps." Madison explained as John looked into my eyes. He lifted each lid and stared at them.

"Follow my finger Elena". He began to move his finger back and forth in front of my face. This was annoying.

I pulled away from Madison and Edmund. "I'm fine". I said rolling my eyes and walking past them up to the house.

Jonathan began to run after me. "Please let me help you to your room at least. Where is your servant Elena"?

What the hell was he talking about. A servant?

"Where is Bonnie?" He questioned.

I began to laugh. "Bonnie. She is not my servant? What have you people been smoking".

He threw me a confused glance "I smoked my pipe earlier but what does that have to do with anything."?

"Can you please just take me to my room John. I need to lie down". He smiled and held his arm out and lead me upstairs.

When I entered the room I thanked him and closed the door to get rid of the sight of him.

I looked around the room for some sense of understanding of what was happening to me. What the Hell I though to myself as I started searching the luggage on the floor. And then there is was. A clue. A picture of Bonnie and I in clothing from 1863. We were standing in front of an old plantation house. What was it that Bonnie said before I blacked out? I thought to myself.

I sprang out the door and down the stairs. A plump woman met me eyes gazed upon my face as if I was mad.

"Miss where you off too. Should I call for John?" Her voice trailed off with no meaning.

"No no. Is there a car I can use." I asked not even realizing it was 1863.

She looked at me with confusion. "Excuse me? A car?"

"I mean what are those things we use for transportation with the whole horse thingy".

She interrupted, "mam you hit your head hard. You know it's a carriage. Right?".

This whole 1863 and confusing the future was getting old. "Yeah a carriage. I need it."

She was hesitant but she knew by the tone of my voice I meant business. "Follow me Miss Elena."

I followed the plump woman out to the front of the house where a carriage and horse were waiting.

"Clifford." She shouted. A young tall handsome black man stood up from under the shade of a tree. He ran clear across the dirt road to meet us.

"Yes Maddie". He gasped out catching his breath.

"Take Miss Elena wherever she suits to go you here." Maddie ordered. "And don't go too fast. Miss hit her head hard." Maddie began to walk back into the house without glancing back.

"This way Miss Elena". He took my hand and helped me into the carriage. We began to move down the dirt path. "Where would you like to go on this fine afternoon?" He asked cheerful and kind.

"Clifford, forget what Maddie said. I need to get to the old plantation and fast!" I spit out.

He threw me a curious look. "The old plantation huh? Ok miss whatever you want I will do. Pick it up boy". He pulled the reins and the horse took off faster and then John's house was out of site.

The trip was long. Longer than it needed to be. We were about a five minute car ride away but it took us about twenty minutes. The plantation was large and empty. It looked deserted!

"Where is everyone?' I asked confused.

He threw me another curious glance, "well miss this plantation hasn't been in use for quite sometime. Said to be haunted."

No wonder he looked so nervous.

"Well I hopefully wont be too long. If it makes you feel at ease wait at the end of the driveway. I will walk out to get you." The tension melted off his forehead.

"Thank you miss. Here we are." He got down and opened the door to let me out. "Do you need me to walk you in Miss Elena?"

I smiled at him kindly. "No thank you Clifford. I wont be alone. Go ahead and go. I know you are nervous."

He began to chuckle. "Not nervous just a little, well you know nervous." We both laughed and I told him to go on and I wouldn't be long.

I walked up the big white dusty stairs to the front door. The smell of the place was old and deserted. The white paint was chipping and there were large cob webs in every corner. The weeds in the yard had grown up to about my waist and the trees branches hung low to the ground. If I jumped high enough I could grab onto them.

I twisted the door knob and walked into the house. Ewe it smelled musty inside. I didn't enjoy the smell one bit.

"Bonnie". I called out hoping I wouldn't have to go any further. I left the door wide open to get a draft. It was summer and the heat was harsh but even harsher inside this old musty house.

I began to hear footsteps coming down the stairs. The stairs were a few feet in front of me but rounded around the other way so I couldn't see who was coming down them. I stepped further in and walked slowly toward the stairs.

"Bonnie" I whispered starting to get frightened.

And as I rounded the corner my best friend stood with the drabbest clothes I have ever seen her wear but had the biggest most beautiful bright smile upon her face.

"Elena" she gasped and held out her arms for me.


	2. Chapter 2: Reality

Hugging her felt like the only thing in this world that I knew to be anything near home. I didn't want to let go. All of my confusion and even the fact that I was wearing the most uncomfortable garb I had ever put on in my life was poof out the door when she wrapped her arms around me.

"Elena. Why are you crying"? She said pulling me back to see my face.

I didn't even realize that I was crying. The joy inside of my head had blocked out the sound of my sobs.

"Bonnie. I have been so confused. I saw Johnathan Gilbert. Oh God Bonnie I hated being in his presence. I wanted to pull his hair or stomp on his feet but I didn't think a lady in 1863... Bonnie 1863 what am I doing in 1863? What are you doing in 1863? What are we doing in 1863?"

She pulled me down onto the stairs and we sat next to each other as she held on to my hand.

"Elena do you know when Stefan and Damon became vampires"?

"Um 1864". I replied.

She smiled and it seemed so obvious to her. "Elena I brought you to 1863 so that you could meet them for yourself. Before Katherine. Before they became vampires."

I breathed in and out. "Why. Why did you bring me to meet them. Wont seeing Katherine next year confuse them?"

She smiled. She had it all figured out. "I will erase their memory".

"You can do that"? I asked surprised. "Like a vampire does compulsion"?

"Yes. I learned how just a few months ago. I tried it on Tyler. It worked. Since it worked on Tyler him being a wolf and all I tried it on Caroline. It worked. So it worked on a wolf and a Vampire so I had to try it on a human. So I tried it on my dad and it worked." She smiled a bit as if she were ashamed for erasing their memory.

"But why meet them now? What do you think it will accomplish". I asked.

"Elena do you remember when I told you that the past will reveal itself in them. Well it did and you even saw it. I mean Damon has more humanity than I ever thought possible because of you and Stefan he went dark and came back because of you. The ties to their humanity have been you. Yes granted Stefan had it before you but he lost it and because of you it returned. All of the baggage from years of being a vampire have almost damaged their past. It's like a chipped cup. Is it still a cup? Yes. It still works. It just has some damage. Their humanity is damaged by the vampire years. I wanted you to see who they were before the damage got to them. When their humanity was not flawed."

The idea intrigued me. A boyish Damon and debonair Stefan. The vampires I loved when they were innocent boys care free and happy to be brothers! How would I feel riding up to the Salvatore mansion dressed in my 1863 attire? Would I feel like Katherine stepping out ready to be wooed by both brothers. Ready to break their hearts? Would they both even want me? Would they both be attracted to me? Yes I look like Katherine but I am far from her in personality! I am much more boring than I'm sure she was

flirting her way into their hearts. Using her vampire charm to pull them into her claws. If I ever hated a vampire it would be her. Would I love them? Would I still be attracted to the boys before the vamp? Am I even attracted to the fact that they are vampires? So many questions came to light.

"You're scared. I can see it. It's written all over your face". Bonnie leaned in to me.

I laughed a very nervous laugh, "I am and I'm intrigued. So intrigued. But Bonnie why did you have to come back as my servant? Don't you think that is a little much? I mean Johnathan called you a servant and I all about just knocked him over on the head. I asked him what he was smoking."

We both erupted in laughter. It felt good to laugh like this with her. It had been so long since I just sat with my best friend and laughed! She was so busy with Tyler and trying to help his transformation. Their love/relationship sort of came out of no where. One day she and Jeremy were together and was Tyler with Caroline and both Caroline and Jeremy were out of the picture and they just somehow in their heartache sparked up an unlikely alliance and fell in love. When Jeremy went off to collage I was glad. One he would be away from this mess and two he and Bonnie could move on. Caroline on the other hand had a fit! Then I had to remind her she dumped Tyler and she needed to stay humble and remember Matt. She was backed in a corner and realized that sometimes certain people don't mesh. Matt and I did not mesh and she and Tyler did not mesh and it was only right to allow people to be happy! So reluctantly but eventually she backed off and was happy for them.

I had my own problems to work out. Bonnie wasn't much help with the whole Vampire brother triangle like I wasn't much help with the Wolf and Witch thing but in the end we would always listen. Hear each other rant for hours and knowing she was there to just listen through the pain meant more to me than any fix it she could have ever given. But this war got ugly between them and she had to step in before it got ugly for all of us.

"Elena in 1863 black people were not yet free of slavery. It was either this or I put a spell on myself to change my looks and quite frankly I'm happy with how I look so I thought, well I knew you would never take advantage of the situation".

I quickly interrupted, "so you think". I winked and we began laughing again. "Never Bonnie. You are not beneath me. You on so many levels are above me."

She held me closer, "we are equal and that is why we belong together. Never above or below each other. Always beside each other. Always there for each other."

Sitting there with her made me feel like maybe just maybe her plan would work. That I would find some revelation as to whom I belonged with and I could go back and finally give them an answer. But the thought of hurting either one of them killed me. But the fact was that I was already hurting them now and it was already killing me.

"So when do we meet them." I asked with a bit more enthusiasm.

"Well it's almost dawn and I'm sure your family will have the town out looking for you soon so we better go back to the house and rest. We will make it a point to call on them early and go visit. Oh and Elena we better try to act our parts. We need to speak a bit differently. Myself, I will probably keep quiet most of the time but you must learn your environment."

The idea of speaking and looking as if I was from 1863 was a hilarious thought. Although I had dressed up for the founders day parade for many years I never actually had taken myself seriously. I mean I didn't even wear a corset! That is what a push up bra was for. When we got to the end of the road Clifford greeted us and we got in the carriage. The drive home was quiet. Clifford could hear every word we spoke so we decided to just look out the window and take in the smell of clean air and the beautiful landscape. And it really was a site to see. No buildings or houses on every corner. No pavement or cars driving down the roads. The trees were not cut down to create building space and the grass grew wild for miles and miles. Random spurts of different colored flowers peeked through and painted a very beautiful picture of heaven. The town I loved so innocent and so quiet. It was really magical.

We got to Johnathan's house and the light mood I had turned into a ball in the pit of my stomach. I felt heavier again.

"Ready"? Bonnie said as she peered out from under her straw hat.

"Um, as I'll ever be"? I said with a quiver. She grabbed my arm and held onto it as we glided into the house and were met with curious gazes from the parlor.

"How are you feeling Elena". Madison said as she put down her knitting and slipped off her chair.

"I'm fine." She walked towards me and lifted her hand to my head.

"No fever Edmund. She is not ill. Thank God. How horrible would that letter have been to her mother" Madison walked back over to her chair and sat down.

I leaned into Bonnie, "can I get sick, like catch a diseases that you cant in 2011"?

Bonnie chuckled, "you still have your vaccines Elena". I looked at her and smiled.

Johnathan came up behind us. "What was that little secret you two just shared" he asked walking into the parlor and sitting down in the chair by the fireplace.

I smiled sarcasm filled my voice, "well Jonathan if we told you it wouldn't be a secret anymore would it"?

He smiled, "no it wouldn't."

Madison began to laugh a very forced laugh. Edmund peered out at us his face gentle and kind.

"There is supper waiting for you both. You should go eat. I wont ask why you missed it. I'm sure you had your reasons".

Madison quickly looked up, "I don't mind being immodest here. Where were you Elena? We were worried."

Bonnie squeezed my arm "I got lost." Bonnie whispered. "Miss Elena knew where I had gone and knew I should have been back so she went out to fetch me."

Madison rolled her eyes, "you two were always joined at the hip".

I smiled at her. She was obviously jealous. I liked her being jealous. "Yes well we all know how much I love Bonnie and how she doesn't go anywhere I don't go".

Madison exhaled a loud gasp. "Well I find it odd how close you are to your servant girl. She is a servant girl you know Elena" She whispered under her breath "she should be treated like one".

I chuckled. "You would see it that way Madison. We will take our supper up in _our_ room alone. Bonnie and I have an early day tomorrow. We are calling on the Salvatore's."

Jonathan poked his nose out from the journal he was writing in. "The Salvatore's huh".

"Yes I want to meet the sons. Stefan and Damon. They are my age and I want to be entertained while I am here."

Madison shot a look to Edmund. Edmund quieted her with his stare. She then shot a look up to me and smiled. But it was not a happy smile but a how dare you not invite me smile. It's so funny. I thought earlier that she was so kind. But then again maybe it was the fact that my servant Bonnie, the thought of it made me laugh, was my best friend more than she would ever be and I guess in this life we have made it known that, that was how it was.

"I will have Clifford call on them tonight. The morning wont do." Jonathan explained as he continued to write in his journal. I said my thank yous and walked upstairs with Bonnie.

Once inside the room we were free to be ourselves. We helped each other undress and laughed at how silly we looked in the mirror. Being here with Bonnie was amazing. I hated the status that was labeled on us but the love and friendship shone and I was hoping that just maybe someone here would get the hint and change. Maddie knocked on our door. Bonnie answered and let her in. She starred at us in amazement as we sat down together at the table. She looked at us as if she wanted to join us. When she left she showed the cot in the corner where Bonnie was supposed to sleep. She shut the door quietly behind her getting one more peek in at our smiling faces. I swear I caught a smile on her face before she shut it.

"Bonnie you know you are not allowed to sleep in that damn corner". I said furiously.

She began to laugh. "Don't worry Elena I'm not offended."

"Well you should be. Everything about this time is offensive to me. I would never want to live in 1863. I could never imagine a world or a life that could treat you so unfairly. I'm seriously disgusted I mean you read about it in the history books and you sympathize but to live through it knowing how wrong it truly is is just maddening."

"You know Elena, so far this experience has just made me realize when I thought I loved you all I could somehow I love you more." I reached across the table to touch her arm.

"I love you Bonnie and I seriously am disturbed by this lifestyle and I hate how they treat you and people of your color in general."

We sat chit chatting for a long time after dinner. When our eyes became too heavy to stay open we both crawled into our bed like we had done so many times before back at home just this time we would both wake up in 1863 and the thought of seeing my boys human again sang softly in my head until I could no longer think and just slipped into a dream.


	3. Chapter 3: Heartbeats

"Good morning sleepy head". Bonnie whispered into my ear. "Today is the day. Are you excited? Nervous?"

I sat up yawning butterflies and knots in my stomach.

"All of the above." I said through unsure giggles.

"It's ok to be scared Elena. I understand. No one is here to judge you." She replied reassuringly.

"It's just, I love them both so much for so many different reasons I just want to stop hurting them already and make a choice. Seeing them human might just be the one thing in the world I always wanted but was too afraid to even imagine."

"We have to face our fears so that we know there is nothing to be scared of." She said with wisdom and truth.

Bonnie was right. I had to face them. I had to know I did everything I could to make this right.

We ate breakfast alone again in our room. We helped each other get dressed because we both had no idea how to do it alone. Bonnie thought I should wear the blue dress I found hanging up in the closet. It was beautiful and the fabric was made of silk and cotton. It had white ribbon laced up the back and pretty soft white fabric at my breast. The dress had a very corset feel at the top. Very Scarlet from Gone With the Wind. That made me smile. We waltzed down the stairs without a moment to spare to say hello or goodbye to my relatives. We would be late if we didn't get in the carriage and ride very fast over to the Salvatore estate. I knew the way. I had been there once before. Stefan took me. But all there was when I went was a rural piece of land he once called home with some marble structure still in tact here and there.

As we drove up I couldn't miss the big willow tree that hung so magnificently and swayed like a dance in the wind. Both Stefan and Damon told me stories about how much time they spent together growing up under that willow. It was beautiful and unbelievable to see in person. I suddenly felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be here in this time seeing their memories with my own eyes.

As we circled around the tree we began to face a grand white house with too many windows to count. This house was bigger than Johnathan's and bigger than the old witch plantation house. I suddenly felt the urge to smile. This is where they grew up. Where their mother gave birth to them. Where they learned their first words and walked for the first time. This is where the men I loved more than in anything in the world had been taught to love. Stefan was standing outside the house hands behind his back and looking very serious. My heart began to beat very fast as we stopped the carriage and Bonnie took my hand.

"It's time Elena." She whispered so I could only hear. I shook my head at her closed my eyes and stepped down the stairs leading to the ground with Clifford's help. I opened my eyes and looked up at a still very serious Stefan but his eyes peeled on my face made me believe he wanted to smile. He began to walk down the steps to me me when I heard a shout!

"Stefan you can't meet her first" I heard as a young free spirited boy ran past Stefan and down the stairs. I smiled greatly. It was my Damon.

"Hello Miss Elena. Excuse my enthusiasm but I could not give the honor of meeting you first to my little brother."

I smiled. It was so like Damon. "It's nice to meet you Mr. Salvatore." I managed to say through my grin.

Stefan stepped up politely, "excuse my brother but he can't help but to win everything. This time I wish I had definitely been a step or two quicker than he." Stefan took my hand and kissed it.

"I'm Stefan. Please do not address me as Mr. Salvatore. That is my father." He smiled that crooked smile I adored when he was being sarcastic in his own way.

Damon all but butted in "I'm Damon. Please let me take you around before Stefan bores you to death."

I laughed and took Damon's arm. Bonnie and Stefan followed. He greeted her with a nod and she bowed toward him like any lady would have in the presence of such a handsome gentleman.

Damon took me to every room explaining it's importance and showing me little nick knacks here and there. Stefan would speak up from time to time getting all but shut down by Damon who demanded my attention and I was very happy to give it. Bonnie followed very quietly taking in things I knew I wouldn't and would need to talk to her about later.

"And this room here is my fathers study". Damon explained as he opened the door. "Please come in".

I hesitated, "should I"? I asked. "I feel as if I'm intruding on his space".

Stefan walked past me now taking my arm and leading me in. "He is not here and I know you will not tell him."

Bonnie stood outside the door watching as we interacted inside their fathers study.

"Don't worry". Damon began. "I come in here all of the time and Stefan here lurks".

Stefan smiled at me shyly as if embarrassed, "I do not lurk".

Damon spoke "oh yes he does. He allows me to come snoop while he lurks at the door waiting for me to tell him everything I find. It's ok. I don't mind doing the dirty work." He began to laugh and I could feel Stefan's tension in his arm.

I'm sure he wanted to punch Damon but not in front of a lady. I'm sure they did this banter and fighting everyday! Although Damon teased him a whole lot Stefan held his own and stayed a gentleman throughout the tour. Damon was one as well. He was just a bit more free spirited than Stefan and I wanted to know why. Stefan was younger yet Damon kept things light and airy. Why was this?

We walked out to the back terrace where lunch met us. Damon showed me to my seat which was across from his and next to Stefan's. I couldn't tell if this was a deliberate thing he did so he could stare at my face without seeming rude if he sat across instead of next to me. I was no lady from 1863 so I did not let anything they did bother me or offend me. I honestly didn't know what to be offended of. Bonnie began to walk down the back porch steps to the garden before I caught sight of what she was doing.

"Bonnie". I yelled.

She turned on her heels and came back quickly.

"Yes Miss Elena". She said with a soft voice.

"Can I talk to you for one moment" I asked as I stood up from where I had seated. This made Damon and Stefan stand up as well. "Please sit down". I gestured and they listened. I walked around the table to Bonnie and lead her back down the stairs out of ear sight of the boys.

"Elena what you did was rude." She began to explain.

I brushed it off, "I don't care. Why are you not eating with us? I need you here."

"I can't eat with you. It's considered rude. Look I need to play my part and you need to play yours. Go eat and go find out who you want to be with because I'm fine don't worry about me".

I found all of this so annoying, "aren't you hungry?" I asked concerned.

"Yes I am but I will find lunch in the help house. Don't worry about me Elena. There is someone here I have been dying to talk to. Go on have fun."

She nudged me toward the brothers whose eyes were peeled on us as we discussed our little situation. I walked back up the stairs leaving my best friend to walk away and leave me alone for the first time since yesterday when we met at the plantation house. I felt like a part of me was walking towards the help house and then my eyes gazed upon their faces and I felt whole again.

"Sorry about that gentleman. I needed to address something to Bonnie." I said as I sat down again.

"You are close to her?" Stefan asked but it seemed more like a statement than a question.

"Yes very much. She is my best friend." I smiled.

Damon clapped. "I love it. You do not care about status. This amazes me. I don't either. I love playing sport with all of the boys I grew up knowing. I am as close to them as my friends. Not as close as Stefan though. No one can be as close as a brother."

Stefan looked at Damon and smiled. There it was. That smile I had been waiting for. The warm beautiful smile he would place upon his handsome face when he was happy. Everything now felt as if it was coming full circle and to be honest in that moment I was more confused as ever before.

We sat talking of their life in Mystic Falls. I tried to give them as little information about myself because I really didn't know much about this life I had here. I let them do more of the talking. They both seemed very interested in my opinions about the things they would say and I learned that Damon was very close to his mother and Stefan was very close to his father. Something I knew before but never imagined I would get first account of with them being human. I spent most of my time wanting to press my head to their chest to hear their heart beats. I yearned for the moment that one of them would embrace me and I could feel and hear it against my body.

As lunch ended Stefan had to excuse himself. He had some business errand he had to run in town and expressed how much he would like it if I could stay until he returned.

"My whole day is free. I am yours today gentlemen". I said not even recognizing the fact that I just flirted for a woman in 1863. If it hadn't been for their blushing cheeks I would have never known what I just did.

"Well we are happy and very grateful for that." Stefan said as he pressed his lips to my lace glove. His lips were just the tiniest bit wet and I could feel it sink through to my skin. I wanted to react to it but Damon was standing there watching my every move toward his brother.

"Have a good time Stefan". I said as he walked past me and into his carriage.

He stuck his head out and shouted, "don't you two have too good of a time while I am gone".

And I turned to Damon who was grinning and waving at his brother as if he had won. This made me laugh. Damon with all of his anger and hate from years of being a vampire still had his boyish charm. His sarcastic behavior from 1863. It was always one of the things I adored about him. It could be the messiest situation and somehow Damon could always make light of it. He could always make me smile when I wanted to cry or make something serious into a laughing matter.

Damon turned to me and gasped, "thank goodness he is gone. I thought he would never leave".

I smirked at him and he laughed. "What should we do Damon."?

He put his arm through mine and walked me toward the garden. "We shall walk and talk, get to know each other as I show you our garden."

The garden was magnificently laid out. Tree after tree covered the greenest grass I have ever seen. Hedges grew around us trimmed back handsomely and the roses were a sight to see. They were beautiful and in every shade possible.

"I want to take you somewhere I like to go and write. I never take anyone here. Stefan knows about it but he has his own spot that I don't venture to either. We need our time alone sometimes you know. We are always with each other."

"I don't have any siblings so I am always alone." In this life I did not. But in my life I had Jeremy.

He smiled I think to comfort me. I must have looked sad. The thought of Jeremy not existing here as my brother

did break my heart. But I knew I would not live in here forever and that my life was waiting for me when I was ready to go back to it.

"Well having a brother," he explained. "Is a great joy but sometimes a great bother too."

Curious to know why he said this I asked, "why"?

"You have to share everything with them and I personally don't like to share". He threw a devilish grin at me. One I have seen many times before and I knew exactly what he was up to and I didn't mind it one bit. I actually winked at him. I know it's not something a lady would do but Hell it was something I would do if we were back in 2011.

He walked me out of the garden and down a grassy hill. I could hear the soft sound of water nearby. He took my hands as I jumped down a small embankment and there it was. His hideaway. There was a creek down below and a big tree with lots of shade. If you sat beneath the tree and dangled your legs down your feet would be covered in water. I imagined him in his play clothes, his pants rolled up no socks or shoes on, dipping his feet in the water writing in his journal every thought and secret he ever possessed. I imagined him writing about me.

He took his coat off and waved me to come sit down upon it. The sound of the creek and the wind in the air was creating the most romantic scene and all I wanted to do was look into his blue eyes and kiss him. I would glance at him to find him starring at me. And every time I looked and he would get caught he would grin and chuckle low.

"Miss Elena, you do realize how beautiful you truly are don't you"? He said very softly in my ear. "Sitting here with you is making me a very happy man".

I turned to see his face. A black curl fell upon his eyes. I moved it with my hand. He smiled at the gesture. I was going to screw it up. I was going to mess up this whole trip to the past thing if I acted rashly but really if was my trip and I didn't care. If I messed it up then I would have to go face the future. Fine. I could deal with it. I could take the consequence for this. Damon took one fingertip and laid it softly upon my face stroking my cheek.

"I feel like I have known you all of my life. It's been one afternoon and I find it really ridiculous to even feel like this but I do and I can't put my finger on why". He said as his eyes pierced mine with fire.

My heart was racing. I had kissed Damon many times before. We have slept together as well and yet I never not for one moment felt as girly and romantic as I felt right there in 1863 with our clothing and manners. His heart was beating and I wanted to be near it. I wanted to hear it race as I kissed his lips softly.

I had to get him brave enough to do it. I mean I couldn't do it myself but I could let him.

"I feel like I have known you as well. You are as familiar to me as my own hand is for some reason. I know every line and mark." I smiled at him and that was enough.

He was brave enough now. He stopped stroking my face. He now cupped my cheeks in his palms. His hands were so warm. I could feel the blood pulsing under his skin as he held my face. He brought his lips to mine and softly pressed them upon his. I leaned in for more but opened my eyes to see his face inches from mine.

"I'm so sorry I kissed you Miss Elena. I couldn't help it." He mumbled out his heart racing.

"It's ok." I quickly replied. "I've never wanted to be kissed more in my life than I did right now". I replied without hesitation.

And it wasn't a lie. It was true.

Then a fierceness arouse in his eyes and his body leaned into mine. His hands that cupped my face were now on my neck in my hair. His lips crushed mine. Our lips began to move with each others his tongue in my mouth circling with mine. I leaned my body in and wrapped my arms around his neck. He brought me closer. I could feel his heart upon my breast. The kiss lasted for about three minutes and when we could not kiss any longer because we both needed to catch our breaths which was a first, I leaned my head down upon his chest as he held me in his arms and for the first time I heard Damon's heart beat underneath his white shirt. If today in 1863 was all I got with him I would be happy. I felt life in Damon that I never felt before. So much so that guilt began to settle in and the thought of Stefan pierced my own heart breaking this beautiful moment into pieces.


	4. Chapter 4: Conflicted

As we walked back to the house to meet Stefan, because we both knew he would be waiting Damon stopped me. I knew some speech was coming and I was ready for it. I just didn't know what to say. He held onto my shoulders with his hands and peered into my face with determination.

"Miss Elena that kiss was one of the best moments in my life. I know it has only been one afternoon but I would like to share more time with you alone before you go back home. Please say you wont spend all of your time with Stefan and away from me." His eyes looked sad.

I could not promise that I would not spend time with Stefan. I had to spend time with Stefan. That was the whole point to this but what I could promise him was that I would split my time up equally.

Defeated he replied, "So you do have feelings for my brother of some sort"?

I took his hands in mine. "Damon I do. I can't explain why I feel for both of you the way I do. It would be beyond anything you could ever believe but I will say that I want to never come between you. You two are brothers first and my time here is meant to get to know you both so I can." How was I to even finish this sentence?

"So you can what Miss Elena? The suspense is killing me". He proclaimed.

"So I can better figure out who I want to spend all of my time with. That is all I can say. This is all I can promise you for now. I'm sorry. I can understand if this is not something you are willing to understand." I walked away from him and sat upon the round fountain that centered the garden area we were in.

Damon came and sat next to me. "Please do not tell Stefan of our kiss and please do not tell me if you kiss him."

I swallowed hard. "It was very rash for me to do wasn't it? I'm not used to feeling so conflicted with my feelings and manners. I've felt confliction with guilt but being a lady well that is another story."

His eyes squinted as if he was examining me, "you talk sometimes as if you are from another time. Another place. Your actions towards me this afternoon were not anything I have ever known any lady to have done but Miss Elena you are nothing but a lady. It felt nice to put inhibitions behind us for a moment and just live in the moment."

He kissed my hand I think he understood exactly why I was here without ever letting me know the reason. We walked back to the house and upon the steps was Stefan waiting to greet us. His smile lit up as he saw my face. I smiled back and Damon excused himself saying he needed to go see to some things before dinner. But I knew he was giving me time alone with Stefan. He was sacrificing time with me, for me, to get to know Stefan. He will never know how much that truly meant to me. Any man in his right mind would have stayed and not allow his brother a moment. But Damon was not just any man and my love for him grew with that tiny gesture that in fact was very grave.

"How was your afternoon with Damon"? Stefan asked with eagerness.

I smiled, "pleasant. Thank you". He took my arm and locked it with his.

"Would you like to play some croquet"? He asked.

"Um, what is croquet"? I asked without realizing that if I lived in 1863 I would know exactly what croquet was.

He began to laugh. You say some bizarre things sometimes. It's charming. How about I read you some experts out of my poetry book"?

My cheeks were read with embarrassment, "that would be nice Stefan. Thank you."

It was different with Stefan. I was more modest. I was playing along more with the whole stuck in 1863 modesty thing. I felt less at ease trying to be a proper lady. Stefan was beyond more mature than Damon. Even though he was just seventeen he seemed like he was somehow thirty. Damon was twenty and I felt as if their ages should have been reversed.

Stefan walked me to the back porch where a sitting area was all set up for us with lemonade and pastries. He excused himself for a moment while he went to find his book. I hoped it wouldn't bore me. I was not one for reading out loud to others. But if this meant I could snuggle with Stefan out here on this porch with the warm breeze hitting our faces I would take it.

He quickly stepped out with a small leather book in his hands. I was already sitting propped up on the couch. He went to sit in a chair that I felt was too far from me.

"I don't bite Stefan." I said patting the space next to me on the couch. "I'd much rather you closer while reading then watching you from over there."

He smiled stood up and sat down next to me. " Whatever pleases you Miss Elena. This book has some of my favorite poems. I have written hundreds down in here. I'd like to share with you some of my most favorite that I have not shared with anyone else."

I smirked "why is that Stefan? Why are you sharing them with me? What makes me so important"?

He smiled that smile I love and said something similar to Damon "because I feel like I have known you for so long. Like this day was not the first time I laid eyes upon your face".

I exhaled deeply and chills ran down my spine. How is it that they both feel this way so suddenly only after just meeting me? I sat back smiled and he began to read.

The poems were beautiful. Very beautiful. But one stuck a cord with me:

**Desire by Samuel Coleridge**

_Where true Love burns Desire is Love's pure flame;  
>It is the reflex of our earthly frame,<br>That takes its meaning from the nobler part,  
>And but translates the language of the heart.<em>

The warm breeze began to get a chill as the sun began to set and dinner was approaching. Damon would be back soon. Stefan was a complete gentleman never trying to get too close or even sneak a stroke upon my hand that laid close to his leg purposely by me. I felt I would need to take matters into my own hands. After he finished yet another beautiful poem I took my chance.

"The wind is starting to pick up a chill." I began to rub my arms.

He began to stand up, "would you like me to get you my jacket"? He offered not getting my point.

"No I'd rather you not leave me thanks." I smiled.

He sat back down. I scooted closer to where he sat and he starred at me in disbelief.

"Am I being too forward Stefan if I ask that you kept me warm"? I waved a flirtatious grin.

He shook his head no and that nervous seventeen year old boy hiding beneath a mature facade shone through and I could feel him quiver at my touch. It was exhilarating to see him so vulnerable when the Stefan I know would have had my clothes off already.

I came closer and he wrapped his arms around me. I laid my head upon his chest to listen to his heart. There it was strong and sound. He was warm around me and the chill began to disappear as I took place between his arms. Being in his arms had made me feel safe in my other life so many times when I was afraid. A tear streaked down my cheek. He saw it.

"Are you ok"? He asked slowly pulling my face up toward his.

"I'm fine Stefan. I never felt better than I have today." And I wasn't lying. Laying in the arms of Damon and Stefan hearing the life that beat on in their bodies finally made me realize something that I knew but never really thought too much before.

That they once breathed and blood pumped through their veins. Their hearts had a steady beat and raced at the touch of a woman. They were once alive. As alive as I was. This made me sad. Sad for them and angry at Katherine. I knew each of them would not have it any other way. To meet me over a hundred years later had been to them the time where their life had actually began, but it felt almost wrong even selfish to be happy that they were vampires as I held each of them today as humans.

Bonnie stepped out on the back porch and cleared her throat. I almost forgot about her entirely while I was with them. I did do that allot. That is why I am in this mess. Each time I was with one I would forget about the other. They both had this affect on me and when I was alone all I was left with was guilt. But when I was with them I felt more love than anyone ever deserved.

"Bonnie". I said as I raised my head off Stefan's chest.

"Miss Elena, Damon is here and he has asked me to call for you guys to come to dinner. Mr. Salvatore will not be joining you guys tonight".

"Will you"? I asked not caring what either of them thought.

She smiled, "that is up to Mr. Stefan and Mr. Damon."

Stefan stood up taking my hands in his lifting me to my feet. "Whatever Miss Elena desires she may have".

I clapped and went to Bonnie and hugged her. "I desire her to eat with us".

I turned and walked Bonnie to the table where Damon sat looking very cheerful and friendly. He got up from his chair and walked me to mine. Again across the table from him. This time Bonnie sat next to me and Stefan sat across from Bonnie.

"So I take your day here was pleasant Elena"? Damon asked eying my reaction to his question.

"Very. Thank you for asking." I said politely picking up my glass to drink.

"So you will be coming over tomorrow I hope". Damon gleamed.

I chuckled low and decided to toy with him a bit. "If that is what you want Damon."

Stefan quickly interjected, "it's what we both want Miss Elena. Your company has proved far better than each others".

They all laughed. Even Bonnie.

"Then I will come again and I would like to spend time with each of you alone again if you don't mind. I don't have much time left and I'm afraid I have to spoil myself with alone time with both of you".

Bonnie kicked my leg under the table. They both smiled excitedly and neither caught the drift that when it wasn't their turn I would be with their brother. Or maybe they did and didn't care. Was it really so easy to get between the both of them? This scared me! I don't know Bonnie, I thought. Maybe 1863 was making me into a selfish monster. Maybe 1863 was making me more like Katherine then I ever thought possible.


	5. Chapter 5: Sunrise

"Bonnie tell me everything. What did you see that I didn't?" I asked her as we both laid in our nightgowns in bed.

"Me?" She said with a grin. "I want to hear everything from you! You were very cozy with Stefan on the porch. Not much of a proper lady huh". She began to laugh as she poked me in the side.

"Well is it lady like to have kissed Damon"? I said peeking out at her from my hands awaiting her disapproval.

She just stared at me with bewildered eyes and cracked a small smile.

"I told you I'm not here to judge. I know if it were me I wouldn't have been able to compose myself. I would have ran right into their arms and just let go. It must be hard for you Elena. I know how much you love them both. And I don't want you to ever think I judged you for loving them both. I understand why you do."

I felt guilty. She was letting me off the hook and I didn't deserve it

"I feel more like Katherine than I have ever felt. I felt like I was breaking their hearts, the one thing I couldn't wait to feel and hear. How do I choose Bonnie."

Tears began to swell up in my eyes.

"I love them both and I just want to end this war they have going on but how do I choose one and expect the other to move on or to even be happy for the other. How do I tell Stefan it's over? How do I tell Damon it's over?"

Bonnie rolled over to her back her face facing mine. She moved the hair from my face so that she could see me.

"It's already over Elena. Now you have to begin again. With one of them or neither of them. But you have to make that choice. No one can tell you the answer."

"But how". I interrupted. "How do I know".

The tears came out more easily now. The thought of losing them was the last thing I could ever imagine. My heart was racing and breathing becoming harder. I was going into full panic mode. Bonnie stayed calm.

"You love them both right"? I nodded.

"Well one love you can not live without and the other love you can. You can love them both but not getting one of their love in return and living without it would crush you into a million pieces. The very thought of not being able to live with it terrifies you. Makes the thought of living miserable. The other makes you sad but you could go on eventually. It will hurt but with time living will become easier. You have to find out which love belongs to which brother. Who is just a great love and who is your soul mate."

I laid there after Bonnie fell asleep listening to her words strum through my brain over and over again like a pop song that you can't get out of your head. At this point both of their love was hard to live without. I was barely living now since they refused to be in any type of relationship with me other than friendship until I decided who I wanted to be with. And what good was that plan? We know how that ended up, bloody. Blood splattered all over my room as they tore into each other with hate. The boys I met today seemed so happy. They seemed to love each other more than anything in this world. Why did Katherine have to screw that up. She ruined them. She ruined me.

The next morning came quickly. I found myself at the Salvatore house again eager to see their faces. Their father again could not come to meet me. He was busy in town. To be honest the way he treated Damon I didn't mind. I never needed to meet the man. Damon was all jitters and smiles and Stefan was suave and quiet about his feelings. We decided to spend the morning together playing croquet. Bonnie hung around us today as we all hung out in a group. It was fun. She even played. Then after they beat us both too many times for us to keep track of we sat and watched them toss their football around. They were both so good and of course were both showing off.

We ate lunch again on the back porch and talked about everything from the war to Mystic Falls to women's fashion and how they felt women should dress lighter. Damon even suggested we wear pants. Bonnie and I kicked each other under the table when he said that one.

Bonnie excused herself again to go to the helps house. She mentioned last night that a Bennet cousin, a witch was helping on the estate and that Emily would one day meet her when she and Kat got here and she wanted to pick her brain more before Emily got a chance to. Emily was not giving with information lately. Ever since Bonnie decided to save my boys too many times and my brother the witches all but turned their backs on her. I still felt like I owed Bonnie my life. I owed her more than my human life could ever give but she always told me my friendship, love and support was enough! How could I ever repay her?

Today Stefan and I shared the first part of the day as Damon ran errands in town and would meet me later. Stefan decided to take me to his secret spot. Damon had shared his with me the day before and it was one of the best moments of my life.

We began walking past the garden even past the creek talking the entire time about things we enjoyed and horseback riding of all things. I was thankful I knew a little bit about it from being a little girl that I could hold a conversation about it. We arrived in a wide open field with grass growing wild. The grass hit just at our waist. He began to chase me through the grass, both of us laughing the entire time. He was such a boy out here in his secret spot. He let his hair down and let go. His laughter was boisterous and his speed was swift. He easily caught me in his arms and pulled me close as we both panted trying to catch our breath..

"This is good Miss Elena. We don't need to go any further in."

I bit my bottom lip. He was so close to me I could kiss him but I had to pull back.

He let me go. He was obviously just as nervous as I was and spread out the blanket he carried. Following his suit I sat down upon it next to him as close as I thought a lady would sit without coming across easy.

"You know Stefan, you can just call me Elena. The Miss part is so, so. It's just not me. Too proper" I laughed.

He touched my hand, "Elena. I like the sound of that. But not as much as I like the sound of your laugh. It's a unique sound an I enjoy hearing it as often as I can".

I turned my hand up, held onto his intertwining our fingers and smiled. He looked down at what I had done and quickly looked back at my face in a sort of gratifying way. My eyes were deep into his. This was my Stefan and he was just a boy. He was not scarred from his past. He was not a vampire. He was a boy full or life and full of love. I wanted to grab him. Wrap my arms around him to keep him safe. I wanted him to know that he was and will always be the most unselfish person I have ever met in my life. I wanted to know what he was thinking. The thoughts in his mind were not clear until he grabbed my face and kissed me.

It was fast and hard then turned soft and gentle. His lips moved slowly to my cheek then to my neck as he slowly lowered us down onto the blanket hidden from the world by the wild grass that swayed softly in the wind. I opened my eyes to see the blue sky and the scattered clouds dancing across it. I closed my eyes again in pure satisfaction as his mouth touched mine once more. We sat there kissing for the remainder of our time catching our breath only when we needed to. Not needing to hold a conversation at all.

When we both realized we used up our time we stood up quiet and gathered our stuff. He grabbed my hand to hold it and we walked through the wild grass, past the stream and into the garden. But before we could see the house he stopped and turned to me.

"I don't know how to feel about today. Kissing you felt like the end and the beginning of something. I can't even quite put my finger on it. Could I be saying goodbye before I even get to truly know you"?

The sadness in his eyes was unbearable.

I wrapped my arms around him and tears began to fall down my cheeks.

"I can't let you go yet Stefan. I just cant."

He pulled me to him and kissed me again. This time his lips hard on mine felt conflicted and pained.

We let go and walked back to the house where we knew Damon would be waiting our hands to our self.

When we approached the house the carriage was sitting on the road and Damon was inside.

"Miss Elena". He shouted and waved.

I ran over to the carriage. "What are you doing in there"?

Stefan came closer and spit out "she likes to be called Elena. Drop the Miss." Bitterness filled his eyes and the boy I saw in the grass was gone again. He turned back to the house without a goodbye.

Damon opened up the door and stepped out.

"What is the matter with him"? He said as he grabbed my hand to help me get into the carriage.

"I don't know" ? I lied and sat down.

Damon crawled in and sat beside me taking his hand in mine. I was so hurt by this afternoon all I wanted was comfort and Damon was always there to comfort me so I leaned my head on his shoulder and happily, he allowed me to.


	6. Chapter 6: Sunset

"So where are we going Damon"? I questioned trying to sound enthusiastic but still saddened by my time with Stefan.

"We are going somewhere my mom took Stefan and I when we were kids. My father has never been. But there is no surprise to that."

I was so curious to hear what the human carefree Damon felt about his parents. He spoke about them many times before but he was very bitter when it came to his father because of how he treated the vampires and how he essentially betrayed them.

"Are you close to your father"? I knew the answer but still asked the question.

Damon let out a low nervous laugh. "No I'm not. Let's just say I am a disappointment to him. Always have and always will be. I will never be good enough. Stefan on the other hand. He is my fathers pride and joy!"

Still very curious I asked, "Why is he close to Stefan? Were you close to your mom"?

He smiled. "My mom! I love my mother. I miss her everyday. I was very close to her. Stefan was too but she and I had an understanding. She protected me from my fathers criticism always. She saved me from his ridicule and when she passed I was left on my own. Stefan defends me but he does not want to anger my father. My fathers respect means more to Stefan then it will ever mean to me. Stefan is more like him."

Stefan was more like his father? What did he mean by that?

"Enough about my family Elena. How was your day with Stefan? No details just say good or bad." He laughed his usual cheerful laugh although I know the thought of Stefan and I hurt him deeply. It always did and I have always been so sorry for it. But somehow Damon still loved me.

"It was nice. We went to his thinking place." Damon interrupted.

"Oh the weed field. Did you sneeze allot"?

I looked at him crossly. He was laughing.

"Just kidding Elena. It's a nice spot. I just like the water."

The carriage made a quick right and the road was extremely bumpy.

"Speaking of water. Hugh take us straight to the house please." He was shouting out of the window to our driver.

"What do you mean speaking of water"? I asked with skepticism.

"I brought you to the lake house. My father never comes here anymore and Stefan and I come here periodically. It has a dock. We have a boat I'd like to take you on." His smile was adorable. He was so excited and I was impressed.

"Sounds awesome Damon". His eyebrows cocked.

"Awesome"? He asked. Obviously never hearing the word.

"Oh, sorry I mean wonderful". I corrected feeling like a total space cadet.

He smiled. After riding for about forty minutes the carriage finally came to a stop. He stepped out first and then turned and held out his hand "Come on".

I reached for his hand and stepped out to find a small cabin like house hidden by huge trees. Where space would allow you could see blue water from the lake peeking through. The yard was quaint and charming. The path that lead to the house had coble stones.

"This is so adorable Damon. I love it" I said.

"This is not even the best part. Come on let me show you". Damon held onto my hand as he walked me down the path and to the front porch. It went all the way around the house. It was the way they used to make homes. They way I loved them.

Damon nor Stefan ever told me about this cabin and I know Mystic Falls and have never seen it before. It must have been destroyed once their father had died. The idea of this place not existing the way Damon lit up at the sight of it made me sad.

"Come on in Elena". He held the door open for me and I walked in. It was gorgeous. It was small and definitely not as extravagant as their mansion but it was truly something to admire. The furniture all matched and the floors and walls were cherry wood. Damon took me around and on the walls hung portraits of Damon and Stefan when they were children.

"Is that you and Stefan"? I asked excitedly because I never saw a picture of them as children before.

"Yep. That is us. We were dreadfully ugly kids." He began to laugh.

I took a few steps closer and touched the picture where their faces were. "You both were beautiful. Nothing has really changed."

I felt Damon on my back. He moved my hair to the side and kissed my neck.

"This one right here". He pointed. "This is my mother. Now if you want to talk about beautiful it's because of her we are even half decent."

There on the cabin wall the only place I had seen her was a picture of Damon and Stefan's mom. She was absolutely stunning. Her eyes were a bluish green and her skin was olive toned. Her hair though was so dark brown you could mistake it for black except for the hint of sparkle that the light had hit in the picture. Her lips were red and full and her smile was sweet and kind. She was very pleasing to the eye. She looked like both boys but I felt that Damon favored her more. Stefan favored his father in so many ways. Their hair was light. Their eyes were more hazel and their brow were undeniably identical. Their father to me was always handsome but to see their mother took my breath away. I almost felt like they were finally complete to me. It made me feel so appreciative of her. I wish I could have thanked her for giving them to the world. For allowing me to love them both and receive both of their love in return.

Damon tugged on my arm and asked me to follow him. We walked out the back door to a sitting porch and out onto the dock where a boat was sitting.

"I want to take you on the lake. I brought you an umbrella and my mom has some sun dresses if it would make you more comfortable. She wouldn't wear them in town but here we are alone."

I smiled. I actually wanted to just put on a bikini and sun bathe but I don't think bikinis existed so I would take a sundress over this corset.

"I would love to borrow a sundress of hers." Damon smiled happily and pulled me back into the house.

After I had changed into a cream and yellow sundress that once belonged to Rose Salvatore, I walked out to the dock to meet Damon. I was barefoot. It was my own choice. I wanted the sun to touch as much of me as possible. Damon was standing there waiting for me in his play clothes. His pants were rolled up as well as his sleeves. He held out my umbrella and examined me with pleasure.

"You look amazing when you are dressed lighter. Don't get me wrong I love the corset too and the grand gown but this. This seems more like you."

He was right. How he knew me so well baffled me. I would pick this dress over any beautiful gown in my closet right now. It was Rose's and I felt so honored to wear it.

Damon jumped into the boat and held his hands out for me. I stepped towards him and he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me in with ease. I giggled a bit under my breath at his face as he touched me. I opened the umbrella and Damon pulled away from the dock. We began to row out into the beautiful open water. There was not a boat or house in sight. We were alone. More alone than we have been since I got to 1863.

"Do you like it"? He asked.

I laughed, "Who wouldn't Damon. It's gorgeous!"

I tried to think about what lake this was and then I remembered. It's the same lake we had a house on. It looked very different and I almost wouldn't have recognized it but it was the only lake I could think of that was near Mystic Falls that was this beautiful.

"I'm so happy you are here with me. I wanted to take you here towards the afternoon because it would be cooler and I hoped we could watch the sunset from the porch."

"Very romantic Damon." I teased.

He became very serious, "I'm trying Elena. Not trying to be better than Stefan but I'm trying to show you all of me, the things that I love and care about. You said you had little time here and I was trying to get you to see that you have to come back. That you cant leave and stay away. That you have to come back and you have to come back to me. I don't. I mean, I can't lose you when I just got you."

I put the umbrella down and scooted closer to him. I brushed my lips upon his and whispered "You wont".

He starred at me with so much fire that I began to burn from the inside out. His hands stroked mine and then he took me in his arms and kissed me. His mouth was warm and soft. His tongue made circles on my lips. His hands were greedily exploring my back, neck, arms and hair all awhile my hands were tangled in his hair pulling his head closer to mine. At some point we had to breathe and when we did Damon was pleased. Too pleased and because of his embarrassment he quickly jumped into the water laughing a very embarrassed laugh. I began to laugh too.

I sat there calling out to him.

"Damon it's ok. Come up now." But he didn't. "Damon". I cried out! But he never came back up.

My cheeks began to feel wet as I frantically searched the water for him shouting his name and I realized I was crying. I jumped into the water. I didn't care about my hair or if a lady was supposed to get wet he didn't come up and I was scared that he had drowned. He wouldn't even have been here at the lake today if I never came back to 1863. I swam under the water. I couldn't see a thing and the water was cold and then all of the sudden I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around to see Damon floating on his back spitting water up out of his mouth like a fountain.

"You jerk! You evil, evil jerk". I screamed!

He started laughing and swam back to the boat pulling himself inside. I stayed put doggy paddling.

"Come on Elena I'll help you inside". He said through bursts of laughter.

"No!" I shouted. I was so angry I would rather swim back then get in there with him.

He kept laughing. There was nothing funny about this. "Come on Elena it was a joke. I'm sorry."

His smirk did not erase from his face.

"No you are not! I'll swim back." I snapped back annoyed.

"You will never make it". He smiled.

"Oh you don't know how good of a swimmer I am."

His face turned serious. "I'm sorry. You can't swim back. I would just paddle next to you the entire time to make sure you didn't get a cramp and drown. Plus I really am sorry. My embarrassment should have not turned into a cruel joke."

I could tell he was sorry. He felt bad. The water was too cold and honestly I would have drowned if I tried to swim back so I swam to the boat and he lifted me back inside.

I felt like a wet cat the entire time he paddled back to the dock and I was still fuming. He would occasionally look at me and crack a smile. I found nothing funny about my situation. Once we docked I climbed out of the boat like a wet sack angrily refusing to let him help me. I could hear him giggle from behind me. I reached the porch steps and turned to him.

"How dare you do that to me". I said with anger.

"I said I was sorry". Damon replied.

I went towards him and pushed him, "You are an ass. You will always be an ass."

Amused he said, "An ass Elena? You curse when your angry. It's adorable".

I lifted my hands "This is not funny! This is not for your amusement. I thought you drowned. I thought you were hurt maybe even gone. I thought for a moment that I lost you. Do you understand how those few minutes felt for me?"

He starred at me bewildered by my rant.

"I was in agony! Complete and total agony! The thought of losing you. I can't even imagine."

The tears began to fall down my face. I was so angry that I didn't realize the wind had picked up and that I was shivering.

And that was all it took. I was whisked up into Damon's arms and carried back into the house his mouth pressing passionately on mine. We found ourselves wet on the floor of his sitting room where a fire was already burning. He was hovering over me kissing me and I laid under him no longer cold but conflicted yet truly in love.

Damon and I did not sleep with each other. We both knew that we couldn't take it that far. Not now, not like this. We cared too much about each other to cheapen what we had in that moment and what we had was something no one could take and it was something no one could have but us. We didn't get to see the sunset. We lost time kissing each other and exploring each other to even care if the sun set. We didn't care that it was past the time we should have been back. That Stefan and Bonnie would be waiting annoyed that we took our time. All we cared about was that we were with each other if only for this moment we were together.

Somehow we did manage to stop. I went to change and fixed my hair as best as I could. No matter what, I looked like a mess and Stefan and Bonnie would assume the worst. Damon held me quietly stroking my face and occasionally kissing the top of my head as we rode back to the mansion. I rode back thinking that I would never forget that place. I would never forget the water, the cabin, the pictures, Rose's dress, Damon's joke, our kiss and the sunset we never got to see.


	7. Chapter 7: Awaken

When we got back to the house I was right, Bonnie was sitting on the porch looking rather annoyed. But what I didn't expect was to not see Stefan. Guilt started to run through my veins and my heart became heavy again. I kissed them both two days in a row in the same day! I was Katherine and I hated myself for it.

Damon kissed me in the carriage before we got out. I think because Stefan was not there waiting he thought he better give me a proper goodbye. I could feel my time coming to an end. I had been here for three days and I felt like it was three years. Decisions weighted heavily upon me and I thought I would crush underneath it all. When Damon stepped out an awaiting Bonnie climbed in.

"Damon". I shouted before we rode off. "I'm sorry. Please tell Stefan I am sorry too."

Damon looked confused. "For what Elena"?

Bonnie asked Hugh to go and he began to snap the reigns. We began moving rather quickly.

I starred at him from outside of my window with tears streaming down my face.

Damon looked at me bewildered and confused. If he knew why I said I was sorry he would have cried. Stefan would have too I think. I was still surprised that he didn't see me off tonight. I was about to lose one of them and I was sorry that I hurt them both for so long in order to figure it out. But after my time with Damon today I did. Spending that time with Damon made me realize who I should be with and who I loved more. It took that afternoon the guilt it made me feel to realize that the answer was always there I just had to finally open my eyes and see it.

When we got back to John's I made sure to say goodnight to all of them. I would never see my cousins or John ever again. I knew tonight would be my last. It was up to me when I would go back. I guess I always knew that and I was ready to go home. I was ready to face my life again.

Once we were in our room Bonnie lit a candle and said the spell. It seemed so easy to go home but the journey here was beautiful, long and painful.

We both had crawled into the bed and neither of us could close our eyes yet. We knew once we did it would all be over.

"Do you want to know what happened with Damon"? I asked knowing she saw how messy I looked and knowing that she probably assumed the worst.

She shook her head no. "It's you life Elena". She replied.

"I didn't sleep with him. I know it looked bad but I didn't. I just couldn't. I wanted more for him when I left here than that. For both of them." I confessed.

She exhaled "Even if you did that is your choice to make."

I huffed "But I know you have an opinion about it".

"I don't. Like I said you were here to realize something and since you did that is all I care about".

"Do you want to know who I chose". I asked.

"Nope." She mumbled.

"What"! I exclaimed.

"I already know. Now close your eyes Elena and sleep".

My eye lids closed and the world around me was gone. I felt nothing for what felt like minutes just complete darkness and when I woke up I was night in my room. My room in 2011. I opened my eyes and scanned the room without moving. I felt for Bonnie but she was not there. I sat up rubbing my eyes and realized my head was aching.

"Ouch" I mumbled as I felt something wrapped around my head.

A chair creaked and a soft wind flashed across my face.

"You're awake" a familiar voice hummed.

"How long have I been out"?

He paused to think "About a day. How do you feel"?

"Wait Damon you said a day"?

"Yeah. You hit your head pretty hard. Stefan and I have been here all day. He just left to go feed but he will be back soon. I should actually go call him". He said guiltily.

I grabbed his arm "No wait. Don't leave."

He stroked my face. "Okay I wont."

"How did I hit my head"? I asked confused. Everything was so fuzzy now.

"You tried to break Stefan and I up and we somehow knocked you and you hit your head against the window. We didn't mean to Elena and I'm. I mean we are so sorry. I never wanted you to get hurt."

The blood on the window. I remember now. The only thing was I thought it was theirs. Bonnie was with me. She was talking to me and then I fell asleep.

"Where is Bonnie"? I asked with concern in my voice.

"She and Tyler left after you hit your head. She said she had some stuff to take care of and Tyler has been checking in on you."

"Call her please. Tell her to come here right now".

1863. 1863. Where was Bonnie. I remember I was in 1863. I needed to talk to her badly.

"I think she is sleeping Elena". He protested.

Oh my gosh Bonnie and I were in 1863 with Damon and Stefan. I made my choice!

"Call her now Damon. Please. Tell her to get here. It's an emergency". I pleaded.

"Okay. I will." Damon picked up his phone and dialed Bonnie's number.

"Damon. Hello. Is she okay"? Bonnie's voice cracked as she woke out of her sleep.

"She just woke up. She wants you to come over now."

Bonnie exhaled "Like right now, now"?

Damon smiled "Yes Bonnie. Right now, now".

I sat there starring at him with wide eyes nodding my head up in down.

"Okay I will be there soon".

Bonnie hung up the phone and so did Damon.

"When she gets here Damon I need you to leave".

Pain crushed his face.

"You can come back. I just need to talk to her alone"? I explained.

He still looked a bit hurt but agreed. Bonnie showed up twenty minutes later. Damon kissed my forehead and left quickly. Bonnie sat down in the chair that Damon was in.

"Bonnie we are back". I whispered just in case Damon was in earshot still.

Bonnie looked at me confused.

"Ugh back from where Elena."? She laughed confused.

I looked at her with curious eyes. "From 1863 Bonnie. Your spell worked."

"What spell Elena? I didn't do any spell".

I laughed "Come on Bonnie it's not funny."

"I'm not laughing Elena".

I groaned "You did a spell and sent us back to 1863. I met Damon and Stefan before Katherine met them. I got to get to know them and spend time with them. We were gone for three days"!

"You hit your head hard Elena. Like really hard. I don't think time travel would be in your forecast. I think you were dreaming."

I was confused. It seemed so real. It had to be real. Was Bonnie lying to me? But why would Bonnie lie to me? She never lied to me before and what good would it be if she did. So what if she took us back in time. It wouldn't be a big deal. Would it be?

"Elena you are so confused and dazed. I think you should go back to sleep."

I began to plead "Bonnie please. If you sent us back tell me now. I need to know. It was real. So real. All of it! Damon was a boy. Carefree and sweet. Stefan was mature and debonair. Mysterious even. The creek and the porch. The wild grassy field and the cabin on the lake. I kissed them both! You were there. And I met John Gilbert and a few cousins. I hit my head and I was there." Wait... "I hit my head and I woke up in 1863. Maybe it was a dream."

Tears began streaming down my face. Bonnie came and sat on the edge of the bed to comfort me.

"It's alright Elena. Sometimes dreams are so real that we think we actually lived them. We carry emotional ties to them through our lives. It's okay to have dreamed this up and thought it was real."

Sniffing I said "I remember everything. I remember from the moment I hit my head until I woke up here. I had to make a choice. I had to choose between Stefan and Damon".

My tears became sobs and my sobs made my headache worse which caused more tears. I was so out of it. I did need to go back to sleep. I took a moment to calm down as Bonnie held me tight in her arms.

"Bonnie I want to be alone. I need some time. I need to rest. Please tell them to go home. I'm fine. I want to be alone tonight. Please go tell them that and go home back to Tyler.

Bonnie let go of me and stood up.

"Okay I will." She began to walk out the door when she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said "I love you Elena and I've been so worried about you. I'm glad you're going to be alright".

I smiled at her and murmured back that I loved her too. I laid back down and within seconds I was back asleep.


	8. Chapter 8: Witchy

** (Bonnie)**

Walking out seeing Elena so upset really hurt me. She was still so dazed and confused. I just hope she really did make her mind up about whom she wanted to be with and stuck with it. I had to meet the guys outside to tell them Elena didn't want anymore company tonight. I knew it wouldn't keep them away once she fell asleep but these were her wishes and we all had to respect them.

Stefan and Damon both stood outside on the porch far away from each other. When I opened the door they both turned to me with sad and eager eyes.

"How is she"? Stefan muttered out before Damon could ask.

"Fine. She is tired and very confused." I explained.

Damon came closer "What is she confused about"?

"She had a vivid dream and is mixing it up with reality. I think she hit her head really hard guys. Honestly I think we shouldn't bother her too much for the next few days. What happened was really traumatic. I know I haven't said much to you guys about it but it's getting ridiculous. You both need to back off. If waiting for an answer is too hard for you then maybe she isn't the one. But if you can wait it out without tearing each others throats apart then maybe just maybe she can think clearly without worrying about the two of you never being brothers again".

Damon smirked "We will always be brothers Bonnie. Blood wont change".

I threw him a cross look "You know what I mean. Family is important you two. If one of you wasn't around the other would feel pretty bad. There was a time when you two were closer than ever. There was no Katherine, no Vampires and no Elena. She wants that love for you guys. She wants to know that what ever decision she makes wont tear that love apart! If you can't promise her that then this thing you three have got going is gonna get messy and I'm afraid I will have to pick up all of the pieces which will be really bad once you guys kill each other. It's not fair to Elena."

"I know". Stefan whispered.

Softer I said "It's not fair to you two either I know. I'm coming down hard on you two not because you want her to make a choice but because while you are waiting for it you are making life miserable for her." The truth wasn't pretty but I had to give it to them straight. "She is torn between two brothers. You both twisted your way into her life. She had no choice. I mean look at how much she loves you. It's hard enough on her that you both love her back so much. But honestly you two need to love each other and respect the other. If she chooses one of you the other has to walk away and be happy for her. If you cant be happy for her then you never loved her."

Damon looked at me with the saddest expression I have ever seen upon his face.

"I just want her to be happy Bonnie. What we did was inexcusable. I feel awful for how she got her. I cant keep asking for her forgiveness all of the time. I just need to stop hurting her."

Stefan walked to his side and put his hand on his shoulder, "We both do."

They were coming to terms with what had to be done and there was something very important I needed to talk to them both about. A choice that one and only one of them could have. It was all I had to give them and to me the choice was easy I just needed to see what they wanted.

I got home really late or you could say really early. It took me awhile to talk to them and get what I needed in order to do what needed to be done. They both agreed pretty easily and I finally felt like things would fall into place.

When I walked through the door it was quiet. Tyler must still have been in bed. It was drawing near eight o'clock and all I wanted and needed was sleep. I pulled my jacket off and shoes and threw them on the couch. I managed to pull my jeans off as I stumbled into the bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and headed to our bedroom. Tyler was sleeping peacefully. I could never get over how beautiful he was and the fact that we chose each other. It seemed so natural. Like it was only fitting for us to be together. I crawled into the bed and kissed his lips.

"Hey beautiful". He said greeting me with a smile.

I smiled back and kissed his lips again. "Hey you".

"Did it work"? Tyler asked.

"Which one"? I asked.

He smiled "All of it".

"It did. It all went perfectly". I laid my head down and peeked at him through my lashes.

He rolled over to his stomach and laid his head down to face mine.

"So she has no idea." He mumbled.

"Nope and it has to stay that way. No one should be able to do what I did for her. It's not natural".

He laughed "Most things in this world are not natural".

"Ya but this, it's not good. If she knew what she did was real she would carry so much guilt into her decisions. I wanted her to think it was a dream. If it was a dream then every choice she made was okay. She is too hard on herself. The guilt she carried when we were there. The confliction alone was hard to watch. They can never know and it's safer for everyone if she just thinks it was a dream".

He smiled and put his arm over my waist. "You're right. So how did the spell work."

I smiled happily. This part made me giddy. "It worked perfectly. It went off without a hitch. Damn Emily Bennett for keeping this one from me. From all of the witches."

"She didn't know you would go back and find her. How did you know where she would be"?

"I saw a picture at the Salvatore house one day years ago when we were going through their fathers stuff looking for journals and important things. There in the picture was Damon and Stefan and with them was a young girl. She looked allot like my aunt Opal when she was young and I knew she was a Bennett. I could feel she was a Bennett. I was drawn to her in the picture. So when we went there I found her and she was amazing. Her name was Abby. She was the best witch I had ever met and she was so happy to know I was a relative. She told me everything. I made her promise to never tell a soul that she met me and she did. She never told a soul."

"Amazing". He whispered amused. "You witches are so cool. Now just find a way for me to go back to normal and we will be all good".

I nudged his side.

"Ouch" he yelped.

"Working on it."

We both laughed. For the first time in a long time I felt at peace with Elena's situation. I felt like I could finally breathe.

"So the stone. It did break like she said it would." He asked.

"It did and I have no idea where to find another one so until I do the decision was made and I think it was for the best."

"He is going to be heartbroken you know."

Tears filled my eyes. "He is already. You see Tyler I knew her decision, you knew it. But they didn't and without knowing it he made the decision for his brother. He essentially let her go without knowing that she was in the process of letting him go she just didn't know how and yet he did it for her."

He sighed "I feel bad for him still."

I wiped my face "Me too. But he will be fine. Not now but eventually his heart will mend. I just know it."

**(Elena)**

It was around noon when I finally woke up again. I went and brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face. I stood there starring at the wrapping on my head. I pulled it off and felt for the bump. It wasn't bleeding anymore but my hair was covered in blood still. I decided to jump in the shower and try to wash it out as best as I could without getting shampoo in the cut.

Afterward I slipped some sweats on and sat down on my bed. Today was going to be a rough day. Today I would break a heart. I'd give one brother what he wanted while breaking the others. No one won today. We all lost. We all lose in this situation. I lose a great love and friendship and he loses a brother.

A knock at my door startled me.

"Come in" I said with tears in my throat.

Alaric peeked his head in and smiled. He held up a cup of coffee. Thank the world for Alaric coming to stay with us after Jenna died. Even though Jeremy and I were past the age of supervision Alaric became like a uncle to us and we asked him to stay for forever I hope.

"Hey Rick". I greeted him.

"Hey Elena" he said walking in the room and handing me the coffee. He sat down in the chair that faced my bed. The chair everyone sat in waiting for me to wake up. "Hope I got it right. Thought you might need it".

"Thanks. I did." I took a sip. He did get it right. I put my thumb up and he smiled.

"So how do you feel today"?

I groaned "Miserable still. Not the pain just everything else that lead up to it. It got really bad huh"?

"Yep. Really bad. When you hit your head Elena you should have seen them. They snapped out of it so quick and both were there by your side trying to get you to wake up. I walked in right when you went flying into the window. You know I would have held you back".

"I know. It was stupid". I admitted.

"Very. But understandably so. Elena they never left. They took turns sitting up here with you all day. The agony in them was hard for me to watch. I never seen them so broken up before. The thought of them hurting you was more than they could bare. Intentional or not."

I shook my head trying to fight back the tears.

"I'm sorry Elena. I didn't mean to make you cry."

I laughed "It's okay Rick. Crying comes as easy as breathing these days."

We sat there silently for a few minutes. Alaric finally broke the silence.

"

"So do you think you made a choice yet"? His smile was meant to show me he was being diplomatic and not trying to pressure. I appreciated it. It meant so much to me that I had a good support system around me. Especially now when I needed it more than I have ever needed it in my entire life.

I exhaled deep "I did. I feel like I traveled time and worlds to get it but I know who I'm supposed to be with."

"Now you can be happy." He said reassuring me.

Yeah, now I could be happy. The thought stabbed me in the heart.


	9. Chapter 9: Love

I thought really hard how I was going to do this. Whom should I talk to first. Should I tell them together. I just decided to do what I thought would be best for everyone. Alaric's talk helped me a bit this morning. But in times like these how I wished for my mom or Aunt Jenna. I missed them both so terribly. Caroline was visiting Europe and Bonnie was so worried about me already I couldn't put more stress on her this morning. I had to give myself my own pep talk. I recited my conversation about a thousand times in the mirror and it never felt right. I don't know when I finally decided to be brave but I did and I called him to come over as quickly as he could.

I was nervous waiting for him outside of my house. I thought a walk would be best. There are lots of things to see on a walk. A walk is pleasant and calming. My nerves were about a ten and my palms were sweaty. I knew exactly how I came to this conclusion. It was the dream. I think it was my subconscious's way of telling me what I already knew.

And there he was. Right on time I'm sure expecting the worst.

"Damon. Thanks for coming." I tried to say calmly with a shaky voice.

He grinned at me and walked towards me. There was something off about him. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Hey." He said as he gently brushed his lips against my cheek.

"Can we take a walk? I want to give us some privacy and Alaric is home."

"Of course." He politely said.

I didn't want to hold his hands. My hands were so embarrassingly wet from sweat that I kept wiping them on my jeans but it wasn't keeping them dry. How was I going to do this. How was I going to even say what I was about to say. Once I told Damon how I felt then it was there. Right out in the universe. I was scared to let go of it because it kept both of them near me for so long but I knew it was unfair and selfish and if I learned anything from this time with them and from my dream I am not going to be Katherine.

"Damon". I swallowed hard. " I asked you to come here because I need to finally settle this thing between Stefan, you and myself. It's only fair to you guys. I never wanted to rush my decision. I always wanted to be able to tell you guys what I wanted but I just could never let you guys go. The thought of losing one of you kills me. The thought of not having one of your friendships or love in return torments me. But I came to terms with it now. I don't want either of you to suffer anymore because I don't want to suffer losing you. It was selfish and it's time to be a big girl and face my fears. It's time to finally put things right between all of us. But no matter what I want you guys to stay close. Being a brother and having a brother is something special. No one not even me should come between that and I am so sorry I did for so long".

He interrupted, "We let you. Don't blame yourself. We gladly let you."

"No". I refused. "I will not let you guys take blame. I should have known better. But I got in too far and you can't help who you love. I know that more than anyone else. So do you and Stefan. It's a tricky game we played and no one wins. We all lose."

He wiped the tears that came quickly now down my face. I couldn't even feel them mustering up they just fell without warning.

"I hate to see you so sad Elena. It breaks my heart that you are hurting so much inside. I wish I could have walked away for you. I tried a million times. But a life without you was unimaginable. I'd rather suffer watching you everyday with Stefan then walk away. At least then I would get to see your face. See you smile. See you happy." He was so sincere. Like that boy in 1863.

"I know and that is why Damon I choose" deep breath Elena. Deep breath. You can do this. Just tell him. He is waiting to hear it.

"Damon that is why I choose you."

His face lit up. His smile bloomed across his face. He went to grab me and lifted me in the air and kissed me. I immediately pulled back.

"Damon what is wrong with you." The kiss felt too strange. Not strange in a bad way but strange in a something was off. It was like a cake with a missing ingredient. It wasn't the same. But the kiss felt strangely familiar too. I was so confused.

"I have something to tell you Elena. Or how about I just show you." He took my hand in his and lifted it to the left side of his chest and my own heart stopped. There under his black buttoned down shirt a heart thumped beneath my hand rapidly. It beat so fast because of how happy Damon was in this moment.

"Your heart is beating Damon." I mumbled in confusion. My eyes darted to his face and he smiled.

"Look at my hands Elena". I looked down and saw no ring.

"Where is your ring Damon"? I began to panic.

"Shh shh it's okay. Let me explain. Bonnie came to us last night after she saw you. She told us that she had been working on something for awhile now and she was close to piecing it together but when you hit your head she went in overtime. She worked all day to get what she needed for the spell. A reversal spell. A spell to reverse the venom in my blood and make me human again."

I couldn't breathe. He was human. The tears welled up and dropped happily down my cheeks.

"I always wanted to be human. I would have done everything to be human again. It was the one thing other than you Elena that I always wanted for myself but couldn't have. I loved being human and when I no longer was I wanted to die. But you know the story and Stefan."

I interrupted. "Stefan! Is he human too"? I was smiling at the thought.

He was quiet and seemed like there was something big he had to tell me.

"He isn't Elena. The spell would only work on one and Bonnie only had one stone. She gave us the option and we both gave it up for the other but Stefan said he didn't want it. I know he was lying but he refused to take it. He said that he made the mistake of being selfish once with me when it came to my humanity and he would never make that mistake again. He felt like this was his one chance to give me something back that he took away from me in 1864. I don't blame him anymore Elena. You know that but he said I needed to do this. If ever I could do something for him this would be it. So she did the spell on me".

"He let you become human"? I asked my heart breaking into a million pieces because I still had to tell him the news. I was a horrid evil person. How could I break his heart? I'd rather die then do it at this point.

Damon walked towards me and held his hands out for mine. I put my hands in his and found some comfort. Tears filled Damon's eyes.

"Stefan knew you never wanted this life Elena. He knew you would never change. Hell I knew I just always hoped one day you might change your mind. He let me be human for you. Stefan walked away. He is gone. He left about two hours ago. Don't you see he let me be human to be with you. He did it so we would both be happy."

Stefan left without saying goodbye. And in this moment I realized why I loved him and why I couldn't choose him. In my dream Stefan was always reserved. He was always holding something back from me and I think it was Damon. He wanted to be with me but I think he always felt defeated. In my dream he left me so angrily after we spent the day kissing. He even said he felt like it was a goodbye. He already gave up. He did it again. He wasn't lying to Damon. He let Damon be human and walked away.

It's easier for Stefan to be a vampire. He feels better, more whole inside. He was never suited for a carefree life. Being a vampire for all of these years was gratifying. It made him feel more than he ever did as a human. His mom was dead and his father put everything on his shoulders. He never got to smile and run around. He never got to show emotions and cry. He was always on his best behavior. He was always on.

Being a vampire your senses and emotions are heightened. I think he got a kick off it and that was why he went through his ripper stage. He was able to express his emotions and it felt good to him to be free from that weight that caused him suffering for so long. He was able to give in to the vampire inside. This is also why he was able to heal from that and become the Stefan I know because he was able to show compassion and he was able to feel sad and cry for once. Let his guard down and feel empathy and remorse.

Stefan was best suited as a vampire. I would never be change to be one and so when the moment that they had a chance for one of them to be human he let Damon. He owed Damon this one thing and he knew Damon as a human would be better for me than him as a human. So he gave up again but this sometime he did it for all of us. He did it for Damon's humanity, for a normal happy life for me and he did it for his own well being because he didn't want to be anything but a vampire.

I didn't feel so horrible anymore once I realized what he just did for all of us. Yes one could say he was selfish and didn't love me enough but one could also say he loved me too much and that was why he was selfless. I myself liked the selfless Stefan.

I had to let go and see now what was in front of me. There he was my Damon smiling at me with his beautiful human heart beating.

"Let's go home then." I said pressing my lips upon his.

He kissed me back and I felt like I was in 1863 again. I was kissing the boy at the cabin. The boy whom I couldn't live without. Not kissing Damon Salvatore ever again was an agonizing thought. Not knowing him or even seeing his beautiful face sent me into near panic attacks. In my dream he fell off a boat and I thought he had died. The thought of him not existing made me not want to exist. I knew then like I know now that I never wanted to be anywhere that he wasn't.

How quickly we drove home to Damon's which would now be my home too, holding hands the entire time. I was so excited for what I knew was about to happen and it would pick up where my dream should have went and that was a human Damon and I making love.

He was no longer quick or inhumanly strong. We kissed at a slow pace and stumbled and tripped all the way to his room. It was great to be honest. Not awkward at all. Just right. He laid me down upon his bed and began to kiss me from head to toe tasting me the way he could never have done if he were a vampire. Finally we both were completely naked in each others arms and for the first time he was warm to me. He was actually burning up. We both were. And finally when our bodies were exhausted and could take no more which was an odd thing for Damon but not for me, I laid upon his naked chest listening to his heart and the life beating inside of him that now belonged to me.


	10. Chapter 10: Time

"Damon. We just woke up."

Damon began to feel my body through my clothes and kissed the nape of my neck. I was a sucker for Damon's needs because they were my own and no matter what was waiting for us in the next hour or so, I pushed it all aside and fed into that hunger that started to grow once he put his hands on me.

Sex for us came natural now that he was human. It had been five years since he changed and five years since it was us alone against the world. Stefan was still gone and the world around us seemed to move on out without him but never did a day go by that we didn't think about him in some way. We missed him. Living human together was everything we dreamnt of and it was living up to it's expectations. Damon was the boy from 1864 with a bit of roughness from years of being a vampire. I thought it was sexy and devoured him any chance I got.

The two of us just fit and we have had an amazing five years together full of more memories and love than most people get in their life. I felt spoiled. Even now as he pressed his lips upon mine and his body moved over me, I felt spoiled. No one should be this happy. I began to exhale. He was moving inside me in ways I couldn't comprehend. His touch made me dizzy. He felt I was his in every possible way. He knew I chose him and he was now human. Everything he ever wanted was right there in his arms. In that bed. He took time to feel me and touch me. To memorize every curve of my body and to kiss every crevice! Damon was anything but thorough in his love making.

I rolled us over and Damon laid on his back and gazed up at me on top of him as if I was the most beautiful creature he ever saw. My face showing him a woman passionately in love and my hair falling down to my waist, over my breast and onto his skin.

So how did we ever stop? Work. Being human also came with it the task to act like it. Although Damon had more money than he knew what to do with it but he wanted to live as normal a life with me as he could. We did travel. We went to amazing places together but Mystic was home and it was where both our hearts were.

Life drastically changed. Damon was still on the council but I was the newest member. I was 23 now, Damon 26 and we both loved our town and wanted to keep it safe. Vampires seemed to come and go. They were drawn to the place where many vampires had come and were born but once they took a whiff of the vervain in every cup in every establishment they knew the towns folk were well prepared for vampires and were not ignorant to them either.

Jeremy was off at college. Bonnie and Tyler were about to get married and Caroline was coming home after being away for almost four years. She went off searching for Stefan and found him in Egypt where she joined him, fell for him and started dating him. I didn't mind, I always knew they shared a special bond when she changed. I asked her to go find him. To makes sure he was happy. When she found him he was in a dark place. But she brought light back to him and even love. Caroline and Stefan were in love and coming home Friday to Mystic Falls for Tyler and Bonnie's wedding. I didn't feel anything but excitement to see them both but if I was being honest, I was a little scared to see Stefan again for the first time since he made my choice easier for me.

I didn't know how Damon felt about seeing his brother. He seemed excited too. But one thing we never really talked about was how we felt about Stefan. How much we missed Stefan and how guilty we felt about our happiness when it came to Stefan.

We didn't feel we owed him anything. It wasn't like that. We just felt or I just felt like maybe he thought I never loved him and I did. I'm not in love with him anymore. I made my choice and I am living it everyday happily. But I will always love him.

I was actually really thrilled Caroline and Stefan were together. They were happy and Caroline was a vampire. She could give him the life he wanted forever. The life Damon and I gave up to have this one. This life, the one John sacrificed for me to have and I intended on living it fully with Damon.

"Coffee"? I asked Damon holding up his mug as he walked into the kitchen in full suit. Damn he looked good in his suits.

"Yes please" he said as he kissed his lips upon mine.

I began to pour the coffee into the cup " You know if you keep coming down here in those suits and kissing me that way, we will never make it to work".

Damon put down the paper he was reading and walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist " Marry me Elena".

This again. I wiggled out of his hold and handed him his cup. "Not yet Damon." I said agitated because he kept asking me ever since we came back from Paris. I told him in Paris I wanted us to get married one day and Damon thinks that day is soon so he keeps asking me knowing I didn't mean today or tomorrow or this year but one day.

Damon pouted at my answer. That face was so cute. I went back to him and held his face in my hands, "I'm not saying no. I'm saying not right now." He kissed the tip of my nose and smiled.

We let go of each other and began our morning routine before work. Damon was about to become mayor of this town. Mrs. Lockwood was tired and needed a break and Damon being Damon was ready to step in. He already held a high position in the office but he was in a race for the job against a few idiots in town who had no chance. Me, I was working at the grill not as a waitress but as an owner. Damon and I bought the grill about two years ago. When he's not at the office he is at the grill with me. We found it to be a place full of memories and love so we bought it!

Thinking off into space drinking my coffee I didn't notice Damon standing back by my side.

"When"? He asked. I turned to him. He was inches from my face. I could feel his breath on my lips. It was sweet.

"I don't know". I responded.

He smirked. "You do know and I want to marry you so tell me when so next time I ask you I will be prepared with a ring".

The thought of the ring made my heart accelerate. Wearing his ring upon my finger was the one thing I wanted but I knew we couldn't get married yet. There was one thing that had to be done and that was see Stefan. Make sure he was ok and make sure he could handle us the way we were now. If he could handle that then he could handle marriage and then babies. I was very sensitive to what Stefan might feel. I hurt him enough. I didn't want to hurt him with our progressing life. I knew eventually we would naturally flow into all of that and Stefan would just have to accept it. I cant live my life for him but if I could make that transition easy for him. I would try!

"Damon I'm 23. I have my whole twenties to get married." I laughed off.

I pulled away from his glare and went to put the cream in the fridge.

"It's Stefan right". He muttered.

The stillness in the room became even more still. I arranged my face from shock to calm and faced him. His face looked hurt. It took allot to mention his brother and his brother being a potential issue for our progressing relationship. I closed the fridge and leaned back on it.

"Not for the reasons you're thinking Damon." I said carefully.

His eyes came to life and he walked closer to me. "Then what. What does Stefan have to do with us right now".

How was I going to word this to make him understand.

"We haven't seen Stefan in five years. I never even got to say goodbye, hell I never even got to tell him my side of things. He left Damon and I feel like I never got".

"Closure", Damon interrupted.

I smirked and frowned at him "No. I never got to see that he was ok with what I was going to say. Or that he understood. I want to make sure he doesn't hate me."

Damon walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. "He doesn't hate you".

I began to cry. Why now! Why do I have to cry about Stefan now? After five years. Truth was, I was scared that he hated me. Yes! That I took his brother away.

"Stefan let me be human Elena. He gave you what you wanted. Stefan knew you were going to choose me. He told me and I didn't believe him. That is why it took us like two hours arguing who was gonna drink the damn drink. He did it because he loved you and loved me."

I exhaled. I felt relief that he understood and was not mad. He smiled at me that cute crooked smile and it warmed me right back up. He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead and we sat there hugging for a few minutes thinking about how it was going to be once Stefan came home.

I breathed in deep. "I want to marry you Damon but one thing at a time ok? We get Bonnie married and we see Stefan and Care for the first time in forever and then we can talk about marriage! Lets get through these life changing things and then we will focus on that life changing thing."

He smiled, nodded and kissed me goodbye. He was off to work and I was off to the Grill. I had to talk to Matt who was a co-owner and manager of the Grill. He had worked there for so long it was only fitting to ask him to be a part of it all. We had to fire a girl today and I was not looking forward to telling her the bad news.

When I got home I pulled out my cellphone from my bag. I was so busy I hadn't checked it all day.

I got a text from Bonnie saying the bridesmaids dresses arrived. She had mine and Caroline's all ready to go. I had another from Damon telling me he loved me. I got one from Jeremy that said he was coming home on Friday in time for Bonnie and Tyler's wedding. I didn't think he would make it but he is coming and with his new girlfriend Sarah. Can't wait to meet her. Alaric sent me a text asking if I heard from Damon today. And then I saw it. My heart skipped a beat! A text from Stefan. I quickly opened it and it read:

_Arrived in Mystic this morning. We are at Caroline moms house. Be at the boarding house around six. Stefan_

They got here today? They weren't supposed to be here until Friday! We haven't been in Stefan's room for who knows how long. I immediately called Damon.

"Hey there beautiful". Damon Answered.

I smiled. Of course I smiled!

"Damon I have some news".

"You sound out of breath. Why are you out of breath"? He asked as I began to climb the stairs.

"Because I have been scrambling around trying to get Stefan's room together. I'm carrying bedding upstairs."

"Why they aren't coming until Friday." He asked.

"Well apparently Wednesday is the new Friday. I got a text from Stefan saying they were at Care's moms and would be here at six. It's five!"

"Ok I will leave now and be home before they get there. Elena, it's ok. They are vampires. Remember they can clean faster than we can."

"I know I just don't want him to feel we abandoned his room because he left. I want him to know this is home. This is still his home."

"He knows honey. I love you. Be there soon".

And then there was a click before I could say I love you too.

I opened Stefan's door and it was dark. It smelt musty as if the room had not been lived in. Our room was downstairs and I rarely went up there so I never really thought of his room often enough to go in here and keep it up. I immediately drew the curtains and dusted them off with my hands. As soon as I opened the window the light shone through. His room looked exactly the same. The same way I always remembered it to be. I immediately tore off the bedding and began making it up with fresh clean sheets. I lit a candle and sprayed some laundry spray to freshen the room up as much as I could. They would smell the dust, even though I could only smell freshness, but they would know I tried and that's all that mattered. I quickly sprayed down the bathroom and rinsed the shower down with spray. And that is where Damon found me. On the bathroom floor sprucing it up.

"Babe you already did too much". Damon was standing above me with a vase full of fresh flowers.

"Oh are those for me"? I asked standing up.

He smiled, "Nope for Caroline. I'm gonna put them right in the middle of the room".

I snorted "And you said I did too much".

I followed him out of the bathroom and into the open space. He put the flowers on a desk and turned to me and pulled me in close.

He began sniffing my hair. "Babe you smell like burger".

I jabbed him in the stomach. "Watch it. I'm gonna go shower. Must be nice to sit in a suit in a office all day and not be at the greasy grill."

Damon yelled back to me as I hurried down the stairs " Just for that I'm joining you".

And I took off. I heard his feet behind me getting close. No longer a vampire but he was pretty fast.

"We have twenty minutes Damon" I pointed out as he began to shuffle his clothes off.

He smiled that adorable crooked smile, "Enough time to shower and to do other things in the shower."

I caught up to his mood and tore my clothes off with inhuman speed. I jumped into the shower where my gorgeous man stood wet already. I bit my lip as I looked at his body. Some things never change I thought. His vampire body and this one looked the same and still made my stomach tie in knots. I got to him as quickly as my body could move and kissed him feverishly.

We were dressed and ready with a few minutes to spare. We decided to go open a bottle of wine and were joking around about our quickie when we walked into the great room and saw Stefan and Caroline sitting quietly on the couch next to each other. Damon's hand dropped off my waist and he ran to his brother.

"Stefan". He shouted as he embraced him. Stefan barely had time to stand on his feet before Damon tackled him. "It's been too long. We've missed you." Caroline stood up and Damon grabbed her. "We've missed you both".

I watched this unfold and all I wanted to do was dump my head into the toilet. How long had they been here. Caroline knew exactly my thoughts and walked over to me as Damon questioned Stefan about them arriving early.

"Hey Elena" Caroline said and hugged me tightly.

My best friend was home and it was good to have her in my arms knowing she was here and real. I missed her so much!

"Care. I've missed you so much". We laughed.

"I missed you too". She said and hugged me again.


	11. Chapter 11: Eternity

"Caroline we got you some flowers." Damon exclaimed with a big flirty grin on his face.

Caroline smiled aback at him. "Are you trying to flirt with me Damon. Seems like things never change".

"Let's go take a look at those flowers up in your guys room". Damon raised his eyebrows. He was sneaky and so obvious. He was trying to give Stefan and myself a moment to say hello alone. I loved him more for that.

Caroline caught on quickly and grabbed the suitcases and sped up the stairs and into the room.

Damon was at the bottom step when she yelled!

"Oh Damon they are beautiful"!

Stefan and I both laughed as we watched a human Damon at snails pace walk up the stairs and into Stefan's old bedroom. I turned to Stefan and smiled.

"Hey there. Long time no see or talk huh". I was nervous so stupid and nervous.

He smiled back. "Yeah I meant to call". He said and then looked into my eyes and said truthfully. "I wanted to call but."

"But life sucks and sometimes it's just to hard to do it. I get it." I answered.

"Exactly". He said as he sat on the couch.

I walked over and sat beside him.

"So tell me about your life. What have you been up to"? I asked so curious.

He breathed in a deep breath. "Life is good". He let out the air. "Caroline keeps me busy for sure. She is the single reason I am here in one piece. I owe her so much. I almost went ripper a few times and then the guilt of feeling that made me all but starve myself. I'd find myself grabbing a rabbit or squirrel that came by just so that I didn't desiccate."

I interrupted him. "I'm sorry."

"For what". He replied.

I swallowed. "For doing this to you".

He reached for my hand and held it tightly.

"You didn't do this to me Elena. I did this to myself."

"But". I said trying to explain myself but he wouldn't let me.

"Elena when I left here I lost you and my brother. You two were what kept me going everyday. When I lost you both I felt empty. I didn't want to go on and before you try and blame yourself Elena I didn't have to go and I never should have. I thought it would be best for everyone if I left and honestly it was selfish because it was best for me but it really wasn't in the end. I couldn't suck it up and stay and involve these two important people in my life the way they were always meant to be. I ran, I hid, I wallowed."

"You were hurt Stefan. I get that". I replied

He let go of my hand. "I was. But that doesn't mean you deserved for me to leave without a goodbye. You deserved to have your moment to tell me why and your moment to know that whatever happened between the two of us it would never be forgotten it just wasn't going to be any longer. I took that away from you and I'm sorry. I ignored your calls, texts and every form of communication you tried to have with me. I pushed you out and you didn't deserve that. You were as honest as you could have been and I should have respected you more and gave you that moment but I was selfish and hurt."

"Can I have that moment now"? I asked.

He smiled. "You can but honestly Elena our lives are so different now. Not that I don't love you. I will always love you but what was then is not now and I don't think we have to bring it up. I'm at peace with it all and I really am in love with Caroline and happy."

"I just want to make sure you understand why I chose Damon and that you don't hate me". I whispered with sadness.

"Wow you thought I hated you all this time? I could never hate you Elena. You are the girl who makes my brother happy. You are the girl who changed our lives who through all of this brought us closer together. You are the girl that I could never regret or hate. I know why you chose Damon. He is a great person and he is my brother." Explained Stefan.

Hearing Stefan say these things made a peace of my heart heal automatically. These past five years have been wonderful but there was always this cut in my heart and it was now healed by Stefan's words. He assured me that all was forgiven and that we could both finally move on with the people that we have chosen and just like that Caroline was back in the room with Damon panting at her heels.

"Damon you are still cocky as hell. You know you cant beat me". She laughed as she watched Damon try and catch her breath,

"That's it Elena. I'm asking Stefan to turn me. I cant take this Barbie beating me at everything".

Caroline took one hand and shoved him hard. Damon fell back on his butt.

"Just because your human Damon doesn't mean I will take it easy on you when you say something that makes me wanna punch you". Caroline spat.

Damon stood up and brushed off his rear.

"Back in my vampire days I would have thrown you against the wall and then made you really sorry". Damon smiled. I then got up and slugged him in the arm.

All was well and Stefan didn't hate me. I felt so much at peace that I wanted to cry tears of joy. Damon and I could get married and have children. All of the things we wanted and talked about with excitement.

Later that night Damon and I came home from the Grill where Stefan, Caroline and Matt had their reunion. Stefan and Caroline decided they wanted to hang out longer with Matt and went to Bonnie's for a little drinking party with Tyler. That was a typical Friday night for us and being that we were too tired to drink ourselves into a slumber we went home to go to bed.

"Gosh we are boring Damon". I exclaimed as I kicked off my heels.

Damon laughed. "Speak for yourself. I could have had a few shots of whiskey".

"No you couldn't. Ever since you turned human your always tired and you sleep like the dead". I blurted out.

"Are you trying to be funny"? He asked as he ran across the room and tackled me to the bed.

We were both laughing as we wrestled. It was nice being human with him. Although he was still stronger than me it wasn't vampire strength and sometimes I could maneuver past him and get my way. This time he had me pinned down pretty good. Above me he smelt like paradise. His cologne almost overwhelmed me. He dipped his body down and caught on to my mood and kissed me. His tongue parted my lips and entered hungrily. His arms softened and he released me out of his grip. I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck pulling myself up to him. He was kissing my neck, chest and made his way to my breast. He kissed them through my bra and then unhooked it like an expert. His talents I thought and then smiled to myself. He began to caress my breast with his kisses. I quivered as he ran his tongue over them. He was really too good at this. He made his way down to my skirt which he pulled down along with my underwear. His body was now on top of mine moving as he entered inside of me. My eyes fell to the back of my head and my mouth perched open. He took the opportunity to enter my mouth once again with his tongue. Fairly quickly I finished and then finished again about three more times before he finally finished himself. It wasn't sex with Damon if I didn't at least orgasm three times. He wouldn't stop until I did.

We laid in each others arms listening to the silence that surrounded us. After about twenty minutes I finally spoke.

"I'll marry you Damon". I whispered into the darkness.

Damon chuckled. "You don't have to say anything now Elena. You can give me your answer when your not still wrapped up in what just happened. Sex makes you do and say crazy things."

I smiled. His love making could make me do anything but that wasn't what was happening here.

"Stop joking Damon." I demanded shoving at his side.

He laughed. "Who's joking. I once had a girl who".

"She was sired to you Damon"! I blurted out and we both laughed.

"I want to marry you damn it. So marry me ok"? I said with laughter still in my voice.

Damon laid there silent for a moment.

"What is it"? I asked.

He got up and walked into the closet and then came right back into bed.

"Where did you go"? I asked curiously.

"I've had it all along." He replied holding out his hand.

Inside his hand laid a beautiful gold ring with shinning diamonds. It was vintage and so beautiful.

"It was my mothers. My real mothers. It was the only thing my dad let me keep. I went and had it cleaned and fixed up. I actually put a larger diamond in the middle because the one before had so many scratches. But this is the ring that I want my wife to have upon her finger. Unless you want something different".

I sat up quickly and touched his face. "It's beautiful Damon and I'd be so honored to wear her ring. She gave me you."

Damon placed the ring upon my finger.

"Elena from the moment I saw you and then erased your memory of me (we both laughed) I have loved you. I wasn't always perfect. Hell I did horrible things but you brought me out from the darkness and showed me that I am worth love and I am forever changed because of you. You brighten my day with your laugh and you get me right here, every time with your smile. I'm an Ass through and through but yet you still stood by my side and never gave me my way. You challenged me everyday and I'm the better man now. So please would you Elena, the love of my life marry me?"

His proposal was beautiful, so beautiful and so was he sitting here so vulnerable and sweet but before I could say yes I had to say something because as much as I had done for him he has done for me as well.

"Damon you need to know something before I give an answer. You changed me. You challenged me in every way possible. You never gave me my way and you stood by me no matter who I was with or what the circumstance was. Sometimes I think of how unfair it all was for you and I feel horrible. Like I cheated you. But I know, had you left me we wouldn't be here today. Our love grew out of hate to a friendship and I don't know if I'd be alive without you today. You have saved so many of my loved ones. You have risked your life to protect us and I could never in my entire human life ever repay you. Sometimes I think humanity isn't enough for us. We need eternity Damon. You and I. So before I say yes I want you to know that these past five human years have been enough. I don't need a baby if that means we die. I don't want you to ever die. A world without you in it isn't a world to me. So yes I will marry you but I want you to know that after we marry I want us to turn".

Damon was about to refute everything I just had said. I was always teetering on the idea of it but I wanted it now with him. Forever.

"Damon please don't argue. If you want eternity with me then lets do it because I've never been more sure about this yes and the decision to be married to you for eternity."

Damon placed the ring upon my finger and kissed my hand holding it tightly.

"So then it's eternity for you and I". He replied.

I smiled and bent down to kiss his lips. Right before I brushed mine upon his I answered.

"Yes eternity".


End file.
